It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah said, "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Indeed, if it accounts for completion of half of one's religious duties, the institution of marriage is extremely important in Islam. Marriage is the ideal way to channel the libido, thus protecting the individual and the society form many evils such as adultery, homosexuality, promiscuity, etc. This is verified by the sahih collections of Bukhari and Muslim. Both works quoted Rasulullah as saying: "Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry. It keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot, should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire." However, in Islam, marriage should be much more than simply a means of achieving physical gratification. An Islamic marriage, in fact, is the key to establishing family life in order to build a healthy society. Allah, tells us through the Qur'an that:
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. Qur'an [30:21]
Such a deep and beautiful relationship is not likely to occur among men and women who marry in a hasty, random, or haphazard manner. There is an abundance of evidence to indicate that sparks of passion or initial physical attraction alone will not suffice for a lasting marital relationship. Likewise, marriages that were arranged by well-intending parents who did not fully investigate essential character and compatibility issues, may result in disasters. Instead, the process of finding a suitable, compatible spouse must be done with deliberation, patience, while seeking Allah's Guidance. In order to select the best mates, we should turn to Qur'an and Sunnah for advice.
First of all, we need to find out what qualities to look for in a life partner. In one ayah (Qur'anic verse) about spouses, Allah tells us, "They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them." Qur'an [2:187]. This metaphor shows the close bond and the special importance of the relationship between spouses. If we consider that a garment is the closest thing to our own bodies, offers protection, shields from shame, and gives comfort, we may begin to understand the Islamic role of husband and wife for one another. If we likewise look at another ayah that mentions garments, we find the Qur'an describes the ideal garment: "The best garment is the garment of taqwa (God-consciousness)." Qur'an [7:26] Thus, we may deduce that the best quality to look for in a prospective husband or wife is this taqwah, awareness that Allah is hearing, watching, and knowing our every deed, word, and thought. For it is this awareness that helps a believer develop self-restraint and resist the urging of Shaytan (Satan). Sometimes we forget that a Muslim husband and wife regardless of the status of their marriage, will continuously have obligations to one another as fellow Muslims.
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised the believers - men and women - gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity. Qur'an [9:71-72]
The above ayat also remind us that our ultimate goal, as believers is not just to find happiness in an earthly marriage, but to seek to earn and share the rewards of paradise together throughout eternity. This promise is confirmed in Suratul Ya-Sin. "Verily the dwellers of Paradise, that Day, will be busy in joyful things. They and their wives will be in pleasant shade, reclining on thrones." (Qur'an 36:55-56)

A Matter of Choice

Allah makes it abundantly clear that men may choose their wives, and are not obligated to marry anyone that they do not wish to marry. The Qur'an instructs, "Marry the women of your choice…" Qur'an [4:3]. Likewise, women cannot be forced to marry anyone whom they do not want to marry, and their free consent, void of any form or coercion, is a prerequisite for the validity of the marriage. The Prophet said, "The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until their order is obtained, and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained." (Al-Bukhari). For further evidence, we have from Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.67: The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." Sahih Al-Bukhari Narrated by Abu Huraira. In addition, form Abu Dawud and Ibn majah, we learn that "A girl came to the Prophet and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did, but I wanted to make it known to women that fathers have no say in this matter."
Likewise, through the Qur'an, widows are granted the right to remarry the man of their choice. "And if any of you die and leave behind wives, they bequeath thereby to their widows (the right to) one year's maintenance without their being obliged to leave (their husband's home). But if they leave (the residence) of their own accord, there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves in a lawful manner. (2:234)."

Restrictions

At the same time, Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom, has placed some limits on the choices. There are certain family ties between men and women that preclude the possibility of marriage.
And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and you step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into - but if you have not gone into them then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) - and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful. (4:22-24) One final restriction of choices for marriage comes from a hadith that discourages trying to seek someone else's fianc�e for marriage. The Prophet said, "A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter (voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."

The Subject of Wealth

Once it has been determined that the person being considered for marriage is of a relative or tied in any way that prevents marriage according to the preceding list, the real selection process begins. It is usually helpful to develop a list of requirements and expectations to see if the person offering marriage is really suitable. Sadly, the top item of the list for many people would be wealth. There is a serious misconception among many Muslims that the most important quality to look for in a future spouse is a high income. Today, in some Muslim countries, hard working and sincere you brothers are prevented from taking a wife simply because they cannot meet the outrageously high demands for mahr (dowries - marriage gift to the bride). This is also why many parents insist that the suitors for their daughters must be doctors or engineers. In fact, the profession and income may not be indicators of the ability to be a good spouse at all.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8:454 Narrated by Sahl bin Sad As Said, "A man passed by Allah's Apostle and the prophet asked a man sitting beside him "What is you opinion about this (passer-by)?" he replied, "This (passer-by) is from the noble class of people. By Allah, if he should ask for a lady's hand in marriage, he ought to be given her in marriage, and if he in intercedes for somebody, his intercession will be accepted. Allah's Apostle kept quiet, and then another man passed by and Allah's Apostle asked the same man (his companion) again, "What is your opinion about this second one (passer-by)?" He said, "O Allah's Apostle! This person is one of the poor Muslims. If he should ask a lady's hand in marriage, no one will accept him, and if he intercedes for somebody, no one will accept his intercession, and if he talks, no one will listen to his talk." Then Allah's Apostle said, "This (poor man) is better than such a large number of the first type (i.e. rich men) as to fill the earth." On the other hand, it is not realistic to expect a healthy man who refuses to work and lives in abject poverty to be a good choice for a husband.
Likewise, neither wealth nor beauty should be the foremost qualities sought in a future bride. Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet , said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman, otherwise you will be a loser."
Fortunately, it is the right of the bride or groom to have someone fully investigate the person offering marriage. Nor does Islam consider it backbiting to give honest, accurate, even unfavorable information and advice about a potential bride or groom. It may, in fact be a good deed to do so because it may protect someone from entering into a bad marriage and potential harm. Consider the case of Abu Juham bin Hudhaifah and Mu'awiyah ibn Abu Sufyan. Both of them proposed marriage to Fatimah bint Ghaity. The Prophet advised Fatimah not to marry either of them on the grounds that Mu'awiyah was then a pauper and Abu Juham was cruel and harsh. So she married Usamah.
By following the Qur'an and Sunnah, and applying a realistic view of modern life's challenges and conditions, families should be able to produce a list of requirements for a likely match.

Other Criteria For Evaluating a Potential Spouse:

Among the factors that might be considered a potential spouse are the following:
1. Deen - Is this person doing what is good, refraining from what is wrong in all aspects of his or her life or is this person compromising and rationalizing some slackness in the Deen? Does he or she consistently perform and practice the pillars of Islam? Does this person have a balanced understanding of Islam or is their perspective too rigid, harsh, or lenient?
2. Character - Does this person exhibit the qualities of Islamic character such as integrity, compassion, unselfishness, and humility?
3. Mental Health/Emotional Stability - Does this person demonstrate the Iman (faith) and coping skills to endure the countless challenges of modern life while also meeting his or her responsibilities to a family? Is this a person who would be willing to seek counseling and accept advice and/or medication if stress started to become overwhelming?
4. Green card/Immigration status - Is this person likely to be deported at a moment's notice? Can this person accompany you for Hajj or Umrah without worrying about being denied re-entry to this country? Is securing his or her immigration status the primary motivation for marrying you? In too many such cases, as soon as the green cark is obtained, the marriage ends with divorce or abandonment. It is especially tragic when children from such a marriage are totally forgotten as the man or woman returns to another country to marry someone else.
5. Family life priorities - Is this person willing to make family life a priority? Is the person able to adjust his or her career and social schedule to meet the responsibilities and need of family life?
6. Previous marriages - It is important to find out from reliable, unbiased sources why any previous marriages failed. It might be quite na�ve to merely accept a person's explanation. Was this person a wife-beater? Was a woman so extravagant that her husband was overwhelmed with debt? Was this person an adulterer?
7. Past Criminal Involvement - Of course rehabilitation is possible, especially if the person became Muslim after incarceration. There are many ex-offenders who totally reformed their lives and upon release from prison became positive leaders in their communities. Consider the example of Malik Shabazz (Malcolm X). However, one should certainly not enter marriage with a former felon blindly. Occasionally and quite understandably, the experience of extended confinement and exposure to all of the abuses that may occur at the hands of fellow inmates and sadistic guards can have lasting traumatic and negative effects on a person's sense of security, self-esteem, and ability to trust another human being. In addition, prospective spouse has the right to know about the terms of a person's parole or probation.
8. General Health - A person has the right to know what it is reasonable to expect regarding a future spouse's overall health condition and how it might impact the marriage. Has this person been exposed to tuberculosis or hepatitis? Does this person have any sexually transmitted diseases? At the risk of possibly offending a prospective suitor, many Muslim physicians now recommend requiring testing for H.I.V. In one heart-breaking case, a nineteen year-old virgin sister was married off to a young man who presented himself as a pious, practicing Muslim. Within less than a year, that sister had contracted AIDS from her husband and died. Parents who find this an awkward request are learning to say, "We believe that you are chaste, but for the security of our daughter, we must insist on this procedure. Just to be fair, we will also have our daughter, who we know is chaste, take the same test and give you the results."

Notes On Polygyny

This article would be remiss if it failed to offer a few words of advice about polygyny (Polygyny is the practice of having more than one wife. People often refer to this as polygamy, but that is a misnomer in Islam. Polygamy actually means multiple spouses, male or female. In Islam, women can only be married to one man at a time, though man may have multiple wives. Granted, polygyny is a right of Muslim men stipulated by Allah in the Qur'an.) "Marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one or one that your right hands posses. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." (Qur'an 4:3) Polygyny is obviously a halaal option available to Muslim men. However, it is NOT a fard (required duty) for every Muslim male. The abuses of polygyny, which have been increasing lately, particularly in the U.S., indicate a total misunderstanding of the institution.
A man should not consider polygyny as a solution to his failure to be a good husband to his first wife. Chances are he will simply be multiplying the problem. If the first marriage is dysfunctional, becoming polygynous is likely to multiply the dysfunctionality. Before a man ever dreams of taking a second, third or fourth wife, he must make sure that he has been a model husband with his first wife. That means he should be providing all her needs in terms of food, clothing, shelter, affection, time, and attention. He should be making their home a good Islamic environment and helping her to grow in her knowledge and practice of the Deen. If he is not doing these things well, it would be quite foolish to imagine that acquiring an additional wife (more duties and responsibilities) will improve life for him, his first wife, or his children from the first wife. Brother, please let go of your adolescent fantasies and recognize that for a Muslim man the key ingredient in polygyny is not lust, but responsibility.
Brothers should consider that Prophet Muhammad was monogamous throughout his marriage to Khadija (R). Only after her death did he take on multiple wives (R). Even then, the primary motivations in many of those marriages were to shelter and secure widows and orphans, to consolidate relations with allies, and to enhance the legacy of Islam that his widows would be able to provide to the Ummah. In other words, Rasulullah was very mindful of his responsibilities as he took on each additional wife, and he never neglected his duties to any of them. He was always very fair, and very sensitive to the emotions and feelings of all. How many brothers contemplating polygyny today ever consider the first wife's feelings or their children's feelings? They seem to be forgetting the warning of the Qur'an in this regard. "You will never be able to deal justly between wives however much you desire (to do so). But (if you have more than one wife) do not turn altogether away (from one), leaving her in suspense…" (Qur'an 4:129)
Another concern about polygyny is the mentality of some Muslim women who accept proposals to enter into polygyny because of desperation. Sometimes, even though a sister does not really want to be in a polygynous marriage, she accepts the proposal thinking that this is a backdoor entry to "win" the man of her dreams. Her secret plan may be to appear to accept becoming the co-wife but to eventually eliminate the first wife from the picture. Such a strategy is both treacherous and un-Islamic. After all, co-wives are also sisters in Islam. Therefore, certain basic mutual duties and a general decorum of mutual respect and concern are required of them.

Istikhara

The most useful tool Muslims have available for the selection of a spouse is the Istikhara. As with any major decision, after conducting careful research of the options, assets, and liabilities involved, it is best to ask Allah (SWT) to guide our hearts and minds to make the proper choice. Sahih Al-Bukhari, Hadith 9.487, narrated by Jabir bin Abdullah, As-Salami: Allah's Apostle use to teach his companions to perform the prayer of Istikhara for each and every matter. He use to say, "If anyone of you intends to do some thing, he should offer a two rakat prayer other than the compulsory prayers, and after finishing it, he should say: O Allah! I consult You, for You have all knowledge, and appeal to You to support me with Your Power and ask for Your Bounty, for You are able to do things while I am not, and You know while I do not; and You are the Knower of the Unseen. O Allah if You know that this matter (name you matter) is good for me both at present and in the future, (or in my religion), in this life and in the Hereafter, then fulfill it for me and make it easy for me, and then bestow Your Blessings on me in that matter. O Allah! If You know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, in this life and in my coming Hereafter (or at present or in the future), then divert me from it and choose for me what is good wherever it may be, and make me be pleased with it."

Conclusion

One of the most important decisions we can make in this lifetime is the decision of whom we should marry. It should be made without desperation or haste. The choice should be made with careful analysis of facts, and with Allah's guidance from Qur'an, Sunnah, and Istikhara. It should be made while bearing in mind that the purpose of an Islamic marriage is to have a spouse who helps one to attain jannah (paradise). This means that compatibility, commitment, and most of all, consciousness of Allah, must be qualities shared by husband and wives. The ideal mate for any person is one who will keep them mindful of Allah, keep the home and family life pleasant and comfortable, and gladly keep observing all the injunctions of Islam in the home and in the community. The ideal mate is one who will keep them mindful of Allah, keep the home and family life pleasant and comfortable, and gladly keep observing all the injunctions of Islam in the home and in the community. The ideal mate is one who is ever mindful of the following ayats: And vie with one another to attain to your Sustainer's forgiveness and to a Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, which awaits those conscious of Allah, who spend for charity in time of plenty and in time of hardship, and restrain their anger, and pardon their fellow men, for Allah loves those who do good." (Qur'an 3:133-134).